Fears

SATURDAY, 5/21/11

Somehow I went from 102 days left to 11 days left to being on the Amtrak headed for New York, New York. We will be kicking off on a 4500 mile bike ride in less than 48 hours. 4500 miles. On a bike.

I have talked about how cool this trip would be since my freshman year. And we have been having team meetings and group trainings since November- 8 months in the making. And now it's actually here. There is no turning back. But I'm not even nervous- at least not yet. It really hasn't hit me at all. It feels like I am just on an awesome road trip with my friend to NYC. But I am sure as soon as Monday comes and I am officially in my bike shorts, I will have a full blown panic attack. There has been a total of 2 other times in my life I have had this happen.

The first was when my parents dropped me off at college. I was pumped to go to UIUC- and then I got on campus and saw hundreds of students saying goodbye to their parents. That's when my stomach flip flopped at least a dozen times. Studying abroad in Ecuador was the second time. I was nothing but excited until my plane took off from O'Hare headed to Quito, Ecuador. That is when the reality hit me and I frantically started skimming though my Spanish to English dictionary.

So here I am again- 4 years after my freshman year of college, and a whole year after my 5 month stay in Ecuador. And I feel the same passive nervousness and excitement I had the other times, just waiting for the exact moment when I freak out.

And there are many reasons I should be freaking out. For starters my “training regimen” the past couple weeks consisted of eating out at all of my favorite restaurants (IMPERIAL PALCACE!), sleeping, having 1 jumbo margarita, a couple Bud Light Limes at Dina & Michaels grad party, shopping, watching TV, going to the movies, getting a massage, and packing. I like to justify myself by telling myself I was indulging myself with all the things I won't be able to have for the next 72 days. And I did at least go on a 20 mile and 52 mile bike ride with my dad (I should have been training with him the whole time). But to say the least I am not as in shape as I would have thought I would be in entering a cross country bike ride. C'est la vie.

With the help of all my team mates we came up with a compiled list of all of our other fears that we have for the trip. I think I will feel better if we just say them- and while you are reading these, may I direct you to my previous blog post titled “Why Not” which lists all of the reasons why I want to do the ride (which of course outweigh all of my fears).

• Not being able to fit everything in my backpack without Grandma Bev
• Living out of a backpack all summer
• Going 72 days with 5 pairs of underwear and 4 t-shirts and 1 pair of jeans.
• Giving up the luxury of long hot showers. Or giving up showers period.
• Having to use public bathrooms 24/7.
• Eating PB&J everyday.
• BO
• farmer tans
• Having to change a flat tire- or worse.
• Mountains/BIG HILLS
• Never ending roads
• Giving up the luxury of a bed for 72 days.
• Knee pain
• Butt sores
• Hamstring pain
• Quad pain
• Neck and shoulder pain
• Any other pain I forgot to mention
• Having to take Tylenol everyday for the pain
• Possibly getting a yeast infection
• Wondering when I can get to a laundry mat. Or washing my clothes in sink
• Getting sick on the trip
• sunburn
• Waking up before 7am everyday
• Rain
• HEADWIND
• Bike breaking
• Getting lost
• “Accidentally getting lost and riding into Canada without a passport and getting stopped by border control”- Ellie Spitz
• Hitting an animal or roadkill
• Dogs chasing you
• Going to NYC without heels or makeup
• Heat stroke
• dehydration
• Constipation
• Team Drama
• Ron and I getting divorced before we get married
• Swallowing bugs on the bike
• Falling off the bike
  
• Gaining weight
• Having manly overly muscular legs at the end of the trip
• Snakes
• Bears
• Mountain Lions
• Not having time alone with Ron
• Having to deal with my TOM on the trip
• hairiness
• Dirtiness
• Stomach aches on the trip
• Not having enough food
• Gravel
• Temperature extremes
• Traffic- riding my bike in NYC
• Not being able to find a bathroom
• Tornados
• “I'm fearless”- Gedion
  
  

I wish I could say I was fearless like Gedion. But I'm not. I'm scared out of my mind. I just have to go in the trip knowing that the first dozen days are going to suck. They are going to be hard, painful, and uncomfortable. It will take a while for our bodies to adjust and to get into a routine. I will just have to push through it. And hopefully by the end of the trip I will have conquered all of my/our fears- hopefully with the exception of tornados and bears :)

“Without fear or risk, there are no rewards.”